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Personality Adjustment for Conversation - part
8
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Reluctantly, before finishing with tact and questioning, I insert a caution to grandparents, uncles and aunts, elderly teachers, and, in some respects, parents, too, not to invade young people's privacy with questions they would not think of asking their equals. Being an elder relative, real or adopted, does not entitle one unceremoniously to ask one's nieces and nephews their age, grades, and "inhibitions." A girl of fifteen may not care to tell that she is fifteen, not eighteen; that she had C's in school, not A's; that her dress was handed down from her sister. She may not even like to proclaim some of her virtues such as, that she has never been kissed, doesn't smoke, has never tasted a Martini, or has so far done the jitterbug only with her girl friends. There are similar touchy or dubious points in a boy's life.
Elders have no right unceremoniously to question young people upon such matters. At best, such questions cause secret embarrassment and resentment, at worst they lead to a habit of dishonesty. Even parents should be careful not to ask bluntly questions that a child may be tempted to, and can easily, evade with a lie. In general elders should employ the same tact in questioning young people as in questioning their equals. This very tact and consideration, if accompanied by the ingenuity of throwing out opportunities and suggestions, will easily enough elicit all the confidences and information to which an elder has a right and which it is proper and wise for the young person to give.
In short, as with teachers so with talkers, by their questions you shall know them as much as by their answers, and tact knows no exemptions of age or propinquity or caste. The purpose of conversation is to lift the morale of people, to tie them into a closer communion without violating their privacy or destroying their individuality. Obviously, intentional detraction, belittling, and malice are utterly detestable. But equally unfortunate is all involuntary tactlessness. Good people who want to be agreeable conversationalists should think twice before rushing into a comment or a question. They will throw a quick glance at the other's viewpoint. In that light they will then see that without sacrificing truth many a touchy matter may just as well be left unsaid, and many another may with a little ingenuity be reworded so as to lose its sting. The climate of good conversation requires that you not only want to be tactful, but study how to be so, and, that you determine firmly to talk less for your own than for the company's satisfaction.
Related terms include better speaking and improve english speaking skills.
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