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Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
4
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Articles In This Section:
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
1
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
2
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
3
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
4
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
5
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
6
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
7
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
8
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
9
· Special Gifts, Devices, and Techniques - part
10
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But, surely, it is a low commentary on humanity, if it can control its passion only by wounding one another's feelings. I would have every young man and woman reading this book resolve absolutely never to tease anyone in a spirit of unkindness. I urge them never to comment critically, never to tease people upon their looks, their figure, their clothes, their parents, their class, or their neighborhood. Even unkindly teasing of one's home town can hurt bitterly when one is young. Boys should not "razz" other boys upon those things, but above all, no boy should tease girls about any of them. A boy who does so is a boor. Parents, teachers, pastors ought to keep stressing the importance of charity in all teasing.
The only type of critical teasing that has a function and should not be entirely forbidden is that directed against correctable faults in one's associates. Young people are not supposed to be civilized, they are supposed to become so. Consequently, going to school is not merely a matter of learning, but of evolving from impulses to discipline. If a boy cannot accept an umpire's rulings, it is quite proper that he should be teased about it until he does. If a girl wears clearly and certainly immodest clothes and over-paints her face, she may well be teased into more propriety. If a boy tends to be "fresh" toward girls, or mawkish, a good dose of teasing may and should correct him. That sort of critical teasing is a valuable device for bringing young people into line — into the manner and mores of the community. It is not the same thing as teasing or "razzing" people upon factors over which they have no control or which are not a matter of character. However, even such corrective teasing ought to be imbued with St. Paul's rich charity. Usually better than teasing is to call an offender aside and in a kindly way point out to him his irregularity of behavior or manner. But such wisdom, I have found, cannot be expected from many young people. "Razzing" will probably continue as the most powerful device for pinpricking people out of their unsocial peculiarities. I am accepting it that way, however regretfully.
Since raillery is such a two-edged tool of conversation, it seems to me a person ought to be trained to meet its unkind and unjust forms. If it is directed against others, he will naturally side with the one who is being teased, and direct some of the shafts against the bully. If you do this, you may often reap the eternal gratitude of the victim. In defending anyone you must be careful, however, not to apologize for him, and so, in a way, make the bully's charges stick all the more. Anyone who says, "Don't pick on John for his bad grammar. He can't help it if his parents came from the old country," hurts John much more than the teaser hurt him. But if you say, "Isn't it wonderful to be as perfect as Tom — to have perfect accent and diction — so that one can tease others about theirs. I bet Tom uses a dictionary for a pillow," then you are helping John. You direct attention away from him, which is what he most yearns for, and you do not by your apology underline the charges the teaser has made.
If you yourself are the butt of hurtful teasing, I know no surer way for turning away the "razz" than the soft answer. Honest humility truly seems to me the most powerful solvent of ill will, the best answer to most of the reproaches of our fellow men. If you cannot turn the tables on the teaser, if you are not witty enough, or if the subject is too delicate, then use the I-give-up approach. If you are teased for growing bald and it hurts you, simply say, "Yes, every time I look in the mirror I see the hairline receding — and believe me, it does not feel good. I don't blame you for wanting to tease me. I know my baldness looks terrible." This, I maintain, will soon stop the teasing.
Related terms include common speak and how to speak well.
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