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Personality Adjustment for Conversation - part
3
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Whatever the secrets of friendship are, one of them happily is similarity of interests. People with such a common bond of problems and interests link themselves together in all sorts of clubs and associations. Most of them do little more essentially than offer a platform for conversation. The "joker," however, in this natural dispensation is, that while Providence has directed that most friendships obey the conditions for good conversation, love is erratic, unpredictable. It is blind, some ancients said. What they mean is that it does not happen on the basis of conversational compatibility. Two people, who if it were not for sex, could not talk interestedly to one another for ten minutes, are by some mysterious force drawn into a partnership that means daily conversation of hours-on-end for life. Thus two difficulties are born. One is that after love has become a habit, their union not having been based on any conversational compatibility, they begin to bore each other. Furthermore, since in the first flush of the sex attraction they had seemed to enjoy talking to each other, they make the mistake of imagining that their subsequent lack of a conversational bond springs from a decline of love.
At this point, disaster looms, unless at least one of them realizes that nothing is essentially wrong with either that was not wrong before. They simply never had a common level of interests, but in the agitations and illusions of courtship they had not had time to notice this. Their best hope now is that the one who recognizes their true problem of conversational incompatibility determines to sacrifice his conversational interests to the other's. If he or she selflessly listens to the mate's troubles, determines upon heroic self-abnegation, a certain happiness can be achieved. What is to be hoped is that God will rush to the rescue by giving the wiser one the grace so to identify himself with the other's problems that they become his own, vicariously, and therefore no longer boring to hear. It is not a conversational ideal for marriage, but it is the best that can be done when people marry who are natively on different levels of understanding and interest.
The second difficulty in such a marriage is that affecting their circle of friends. A circle of friends, conversationally compatible to one, will be beneath or above the other. This presents a serious problem, and again can only be solved by the self-abnegation of one of them. Let's assume that a husband who likes to talk about economics wants to draw his wife who enjoys talking only about groceries into a circle compatible to him. If we assume further that for job or social reasons it is unwise for him to sacrifice himself and subside into her circle, so that she must come into his, what is to be done? In such circumstances, she can become an acceptable and harmless member of his circle, only if she will train herself to say very little but to listen very sympathetically. If she were to persist, however, in rattling away about what is on her mind, she will frustrate the others in the group, and drive her husband to apologize for her.
Related terms include how to improve english speaking and improve your english speaking skills.
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