|
AFTER the members of a group have come to know one another well enough through self-talk and small talk, a good conversationalist will try to get the conversation to a more significant level. The higher level is that in which people discuss not merely personalities, not merely facts, but ideas, theories, and attitudes. When we read in books that Johnson, Burke, Goldsmith, and Reynolds had great conversation, that latter is what is meant. For keen minds, well informed and alert, this is the only type of talk which can hold their interest and keep them from retiring to books or sports, both more satisfying than gossip or small talk. A gifted person, if he must be in company, either wants thought-provoking conversation — or a good game of bridge or poker. If too many in a crowd simply cannot enjoy provocative talk, then it is better after a while to play bridge or to go home.
Everyone, the man with the two talents as well as the man with the five, can and should train himself to enjoy thoughtful conversation. The most effective step is a simple act of the will. In such conversation, it is probable that more of the talking will be done by the man with the five talents, and more of the listening by the fellow with the two. But this need not make it less enjoyable for the latter. Many a college student has enjoyed a lecture thoroughly even though the presumably five-talented professor did all the talking. Learning something new is in itself one of mankind's most distinctive pleasures. If a person determines to learn something new out of a discussion of the relative merits of classical music and "swing," or the difference between socialism and democracy, or the quarrel between the American Federation of Labor and the CIO, or the meaning of secularism and personalism, then he will get something from the conversation, and deep down in his heart he will enjoy it. He will also be an asset to it, a stimulant to the conversation, for he will be a constructive listener. He may next manage to read a few articles on those themes, after which he will enjoy conversation about them actively as well as passively and begin to throw his weight around in it.
A person is not an important conversationalist until he can enjoy and discuss ideas and attitudes. Conversation in this country is believed to be especially weak on this level. Our small talk has been elevated to an art, but a kind of intellectual egalitarianism to the effect that one idea is as good as another and that under no circumstances is anyone to be disturbed in his beliefs, has thrown something like a social taboo on grappling conversationally with ideas.
This type of conversation often naturally becomes discussion, though it should not become a debate or contest. The proper attitude is signalized in the comment the Scotchman, Dr. Campbell, made to Samuel Johnson, when the latter during a tour of the Hebrides, started disputing a point of husbandry. "Come," said Dr. Campbell, "we do not want to get the better of one another: we want to increase each other's ideas" (quoted from Esme Wingfield-Stratford, Good Talk, p. 162). Whereas one can state a fact in one sentence, one usually needs a whole paragraph to state an idea or attitude. For that reason talk to increase ideas, requiring reasoning and evidence, is a discussion.
Related terms include how to talk well and improve english speaking skills.
|