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When and How to Talk of One's Self - part
7
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A particularly pitiful type of self-praise runs to the moral. In a way it is a tribute to virtue that everyone wants to advertise himself as charitable, generous, honest, and fair, even though few in reality seem to shine in it except in talk. Hearing people talk one might be led to believe that none of them has ever passed a beggar without giving a quarter, that all send mass stipends to missionaries, that they go around hoping to be given too much change by the drugstore clerk so they can flourishingly give it back, and that none of them ever loafed on the boss's time. The way they pat themselves on the moral back is usually by way of criticizing someone else. They say, "The paper boy has been around six times next door to collect for the paper. They always put him off saying they just happen to be out of change. It doesn't seem right. In our house tradesmen come first, and luxuries later. Why, the other day when my husband wanted to buy cigars with the money set aside for the paper boy, I said, 'John, how can you think of such a thing? You know the paper boy comes first.' " Here, under the cloak of morality, two minor sins are accomplished: a little deft detraction, and a good bit of sly self-praise. Both are utterly distasteful. One cannot insist too strongly that all sly self-praise, and most especially that which implies a detraction of someone else, be rigorously avoided.
When a person feels that he just has to commend himself for something or other —as is sometimes quite right— he ought to do it in one of two frank and open ways. The first way is to say so simply and openly, just as our Lord openly and frankly said, "I am the way, the truth, and the light." A person can simply say, "I rate myself as about as good a cook as one can find among amateurs" or "When it comes to lying I am a Quaker, I refuse to tell lies even to help my friends." Then, people can either accept the statement frankly or question it or twit about it. And nobody needs to feel queasy or embarrassed.
The other way is to say it with a smile. For most urges to self-praise, this is perhaps the safest and most desirable course. The humor of it can perhaps be got across by some obvious exaggeration. If a girl says, "Why, there is no doubt in my mind at all that I am the best dancer of all the girls in Blimpton Street," everybody is invited to dispute it with her, yet carry away the true notion that she can dance quite well. A mother can say, "1 know, of course, that everybody else's children are little imps, but mine, naturally, are different — what with my training, they couldn't but be little angels." Such a statement will not embarrass, but genuinely amuse. The boasting with a smile shows that one recognizes the vanity in it, and instead of trying to palm off some boast as not a boast, we in a manner atone for our self-praise by inviting the company's teasing. This, if done with the always necessary common sense and good taste, is not only a proper but a desirable mode in conversation. It can convert the urge to self-glorification into a considerable conversational asset.
How a person talks about himself and what he says is a more direct index to the type of character and personality he has than any one other thing. Talking of one's self always requires sense and judgment. A person will reserve private matters for confidential friends, and his ideas for people he knows well enough to infer theirs. He will talk about himself in impersonal matters only enough to encourage others to do likewise and to offer a springboard for more significant topics. But above all he will not go around slyly insinuating self-glorification into his anecdotes.
Related terms include improve your speaking and improve your speaking voice.
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