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The Weather and the Words in Passing - part 3
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A conversationalist ought to go prowling about looking for good things to comment on, and to effect by-passes for unfavorable ones. Every casual meeting ought to furnish him with an outlet for good news. However, while eagerly telling of others' luck and being silent about their hard luck, your attitude will be reversed concerning your own affairs. Regarding any personal good fortune you will rather wait for others to compliment you. If they do not know of it, you will according to the principle of keeping one another up to date, modestly tell of it. As regards any ill, you will not advertise that either, but if they know of it or are likely to hear of it anyhow, then, you will rather proceed to mention it yourself.
Human nature being what it is, you make more friends if you catch a fish smaller than others, instead of bigger. Therefore, unless people want sympathy, you do not remind them of their ill fortune, and you soft-pedal your own good luck as much as truth permits. As for any minor personal mishap or discomfiture, if it does not implicate others and is not confidential, you are wise to tell it. A discomfiture, if it is not accompanied by a "touch" for a loan, has never lost a friend. After the perfunctory exchanges, you may frankly say, "At the moment I am still a bit upset about a cut in salary" or "my son's expulsion" or "the attack upon me in the paper." But a person should not mention such ill luck in a sob-sister sort of way, as if to cry on the other's shoulder. He should state it simply as a personal fact which the other needs to know in order to be up to date about him. In addition to commenting on any publicly knowable, favorable items, you should make it a special point to relay any compliment you have heard anyone make about the other or about anyone near and dear to him. This is one of the most Christian things one human being can do for mankind — to go around gently and sincerely relaying kind things heard about anyone. If on meeting someone you can say, "My neighbor tells me your son is the best trumpet player in school," you will have started several waves of good feeling in him — for you, for your neighbor, and for his son. It is a beautiful thing gently to relay a compliment or a kind word. It will linger like a favorite melody in the minds of those who know you. They won't be conscious of it, perhaps; they won't fully realize why it is — they will just feel that you are an extraordinarily delightful person to meet. A relayed compliment is the most powerful joy giver and reconciler in the world. Once I heard a lady say that Jones was too boorish and crude in his manners to suit her. Then I heard him say one day that Mrs. Tweeney was a prim, narrow-minded woman, but one who, he had to admit, could grasp an abstract idea and give better reasons for it than the usual feminine "because." When I heard Mrs. Tweeney once again attack Jones, I said casually, "I suppose he thinks you have one or two shortcomings, too, but I remember his saying that you are one woman who can grasp an abstract idea and argue rationally." She grumbled, "He did, did he!" She said it gruffly, but even at that moment the sting was ebbing out of her dislike. Before I left she managed to say, "Well, I will say this for Jones, though he is weak on Emily Post, he is frank and honest." After a seemingly casual, disinterested relay of incidental compliments, it did not take these two long to become good friends.
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