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The Do's and Don't's of Agreeable Conversation -
part 5
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This rotation of topic is not well done, however, if it is done formally, if someone says, "Now let's talk about something else for awhile" or "I think we have exhausted lawns, let's go on to gardens." This is never the mark of the best type of conversation. While if no one is really adept as a conversationalist, it may have to be done, very great care must obviously be taken so that the change will not seem to be a rebuke to the last speaker.
The best rotation is one that grows so naturally out of the stream of talk that the shift is not noticed until it is over. When it happens that way no matter how natural it seemed, it was probably guided that way by the hostess or a kindly, capable guest. In such an unobtrusive way, everyone has a right to guide the conversation. In the formal way, it is the prerogative of the host or hostess, and should only be ventured with much caution by anyone else. Semiformal shifts can be achieved by saying, "Your last remark, that jet planes of 1500 miles an hour are being blueprinted, happens to make me think that I haven't in a long time seen any of those advertising blimps that used to be so ubiquitous before the war. Have any of you seen them?" Thus the conversation can turn toward advertising, toward the probable business cycle, and so on. Naturally the person who would make such a remark before the previous topic about aeronautics has been fairly well threshed out commits a grievous offense against good talk. Changing a subject before everyone has had a chance to have his "say" on it is an irritating irrelevancy. A remark calculated to shift a topic is in place only when the general interest would suggest a need for a change. Then a good conversationalist will pave the way for a transition.
Only if people are gathered together specifically to discuss some particular topic should one definitely abstain from tactics for shifting the subject. Otherwise, even if a given topic still produces lively comment, it should be shifted. Every topic has its special proponents, who because of special interest will lead the talk about it. Were the same topic discussed all evening, the others in the group would never get a chance to do the leading. If enough topics pass in review, then in the course of the gathering everyone should have had the chance both to receive and to give out, to learn something new on one topic, and to tell others something new about another. Just as the stockmarket is a tussle between bulls and bears, so a good conversation ought to be a play between the followers and the leaders, the pitchers and the catchers, but the roles should change several times in an evening.
It is the essence of good conversation that all of those present be made to feel at home in it and a part of it. The good conversationalist somehow must feel at home himself, must manage to get some enjoyment out of it. At the same time he must make others feel an enjoyable part of it. As indicated before, a good conversationalist, once he is in a circle, makes up his mind to learn something from it and to contribute something to it. He listens constructively to what is being said, and if the theme is too uncongenial for him he will maneuver it to something which he and others can enjoy more.
Related terms include learn to write well and improve your speaking voice.
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