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The Weather and the Words in Passing - part
5
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Relaying is especially vile when it involves personal
features over which a person has no control. If one reports that Tom called
Susan a wonderful girl, if only she were less homely, the consequences are
disastrous and permanent. A person can take dancing lessons, but it is
rather difficult to change over a face. Therefore, if you tell someone that
I do not like her face, she is likely to keep her face permanently out of my
way. One certainly should not unnecessarily comment on anyone's natural shortcomings, but the sin of sins is relaying such comments.
Some unfavorable comments are virtually demanded in the line of duty or society. They are a sort of informal credit report. If someone is proposed for membership in a club, various members must cite not only the pros but also the cons. If the latter are relayed, they do infinite harm, while if they are not relayed, they are merely the shadows in a portrait mostly flattering. What is done rather formally in club admissions is done informally all the time. I say, "I am looking for a plumber. I heard of someone called McKenzie." Jones answers, "McKenzie is very reasonable in price, but his work is often careless." Louise says, "I would like to ask Frank to the prom." Mildred replies, "He is a decent fellow, but a clumsy dancer." Tom asks, "How about asking Hilda over for bridge?" George says, "Oh, don't ask her for bridge. She is a fine dancer, but she can't play bridge worth an orchid in Okinawa."
All these comments are really informal reference reports. By means of them much of the work and play of the world is carried on. But just as in letters of reference and recommendation, so these informal comments ought to be scrupulously honest. And they should be rendered only with caution to the right persons and for the right purpose. But certainly they cannot be prohibited. They are necessary. The important thing about them is that they must be kept confidential. A comment of reference, whether formal or informal, carries with it the absolute obligation not to relay it, not to dishonor it by publication. Next to recognized villains, one can hardly imagine more vile and insidious characters than these who violate such informal confidences.
In the casual meeting, one will in general not relay anything unpleasant of whatever nature. A casual meeting ought to be an unexpected violet on life's way. We ought to part from it with an all-over happier feeling, with a subconscious hope soon to meet again. The "Auf Wiedersehn," should be founded on the fact that each has brought the other up to date about himself and about all the nice things he has heard or seen about the other since the previous meeting.
Related terms include speak lessons and speech speaking.
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