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When and How to Talk of One's Self - part
2
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The urge and need now and then to confide our innermost fears and hopes is great in every human being. Perhaps much of what is called mother love is the confiding to one's mother of one's secret aspirations, fears, ambitions, and hopes. It includes the prideful account of one's successes — in school, among playmates, in one's profession. Unlucky is the person who does not have one trusted friend to whom he can unblushingly confide what he really feels.
But there are a few qualifications to be made. They say that even with his trusted friend a self-reliant, cultured person will maintain a certain reserve, a reserve of good taste, and also of good sense. Before revealing any very intimate matter you might well ponder the wisdom of it. It would seem that no friend should ever know one's feelings and realities of guilt as fully, for example, as one's confessor.
As a criterion it might be said that the most intimate revelations should be reserved for the confessor or the psychiatrist, that all intimate conversation between trusted friends should begin or stop a full degree above that. Another rule might be that a person should not confide as fully in any friend as he does in his diary. With these reservations everyone should certainly share his inner feelings, hopes and doubts, ambitions and dreams with someone — a friend, a parent, a brother or sister, wife or husband. I would add that it is good for married people to have each, in addition to their mate, one confidential friend in whom they can confide among other things some of their marital joys and sorrows. This seems to me to constitute a kind of insurance against someday confiding them to a divorce judge.
All this matter of confidential friends must not be a formal matter, as if it were a public contract. Nor should one have several totally confidential friends. One may, however, have as many as four or five persons in the world with each of whom one shares some particular category of intimacy. One's wife or girl friend could well be a man's chief confidant in all matters pertaining to his job, his business associates, his economic prospects, but a former schoolmate might better be the recipient of his feeling about the days gone by, including the "girls he used to know." He will have feelings about those matters —as long as he is a human being he will retain these — and, given a certain temperament, it may be well for him to have someone special with whom to talk about them.
It has been my observation that the more many-sided a person is, the more fully developed, the more he is likely to have almost compartmentalized friends. He will seem to have different friends, as it were, for different occasions or different interests. Sometimes these hardly know one another — and are often surprised and even shocked when they finally meet as mutual friends of this friend.
Related terms include speak words and improving speaking voice.
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